A New Familiar

“We can’t control the direction of the wind but we can adjust our sails.”

College is a fucking mess. Anyone who tells you they actually have their life together, they’re probably lying. If there is one thing I’ve learned over my three years so far, it’s that planning and a desire for stability help, but in the long run, it’s our adaptability that saves us. As someone who likes planning, and keeps a planner in order to organize my ever bustling life, this is something that’s been hard for me to learn. I’m still learning it, actually.

For a good part of my life, the quote above has held a special meaning to me. Though I just learned recently that it originates from Thomas S. Monson, to me they were simply a life lesson on the back of an old necklace my mom gave me while I was in high school. On one side of the coin, there is a sailboat with a cloudy sky behind it, and the quote is engraved on the other side. Many days when life seems rough, I wear this necklace under my shirt and hold those words close to my heart.

For the academic year of 2016 to 2017, I adjusted my sails, and made a huge leap. Before understanding that leap though, it’s important that I explain what got me to run towards it in the first place. My freshman year of college was...interesting. After growing up in a small southern town for my entire life, and mainly traveling to places within a 5 hour radius, I made the move down to Tampa, Florida for college. Instantly, I loved it, and suddenly my world had expanded way more than I had imagined it would. At the University of Tampa, southern born students are a minority. Most of our student body hails from the Northeastern United States, and a good number also travels from an abundance of different countries. Talk about becoming a little fish in a big pond. As the semester went on, I continued to make friends and get involved, but something seemed...off. I couldn’t figure out why, but my depression, previously controlled in high school, slithered its way back into my life. For the most part, I hid this pretty well. After all, I had years of practice with that. But upon returning home for winter vacation, I broke and made the decision to take a semester off, try and figure out what was happening, and stay home. While there, I convinced myself I had been completely unhappy, hated the city, hated Florida, and needed to be back in Georgia. In the moment, I told myself I was just adjusting my sails, when in actuality I was scared of the direction my boat had been going.

Originally...I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. Part of me thought that I was only going to take this semester off, and be back in the fall semester. But the other part of me didn’t think that would happen. The later part of me beat the other side to a pulp, and I ended up enrolling in a college closer to home for my sophomore year. During this year, I went through a lot of growing up. I moved into an apartment with friends, worked two jobs, and attacked my future life plan with whole hearted intentions of figuring it all out (Boy was I wrong about that happening).

This time I was home ended mirroring my first semester a lot, simply spread out over a longer period of time. It wasn’t just “staying home”. I immersed myself fully into the community that I was in there. One of the most important things I’ve found in life is having a community. The time we spend completely separated from people is nice on occasion, especially for clearing thoughts and recharging...but it’s like leaving a puzzle unfinished on your dining room table for months. Suddenly, the love of community starts pulling you in, begging you to finish the puzzle, and making the threat of isolation much more prominent.

My community in Georgia didn’t make me unhappy...but after more and more time there I felt that dreaded sense of missing something coming back into my head, pestering me at night as I laid in my bed and stared at the ceiling. This little devil on my shoulder took up residency there for quite sometime, until finally spring arrived. Due to a really rad job I had, I ended up back in Tampa for a leadership immersion. While there, I had the most unexpected punch in the face of my life. Imagine my surprise, when my heart cried out and told me that I really, truly missed Tampa. I began obsessing over the idea. Suddenly it seemed that the devil was actually a bit of an angel sitting by my ear instead. After a lot of talking to my mom, even more talking to God, and more nights sitting staring at walls and ceiling and thinking about what the hell I was doing, I started to back up so I could make the running start for what would lead to that huge jump I mentioned before. Ultimately, I made the decisions to re-apply. Within a week of applying and sending in my transcripts, I was accepted back into the University of Tampa as a readmitted student.

My acceptance letter was such a shock. I don’t think I really thought of the possibility as real until that happened. It seemed to line up too perfectly for it not to be fated by God above. When I finally started telling people, though it sucked I was going to leave some absolutely beautiful people and amazing experiences behind, I began to get more and more excited. You know that feeling you get as a kid the night before Christmas? Where you can’t sleep and you sit up at night, trying to hear Santa and imagining what presents you would find under the tree? That was me for the months leading up to fall semester. I couldn’t wait to see what new things lay and wait for me under the palm trees.

But I was also scared to death. I still had a hurdle in front of me. The thought that I hated Florida, outside of the school, still persisted in the forefront of my thoughts. I’m definitely a mountains boy, even with my never ending love for the beach. So the idea of going back to a flat, no mountain state was a little bit strange for me. Add that to the idea that I loved the community aspect of a small town, and you get a lot of nerves bunching up and cocooning in my stomach.

However, I embraced it. I chose to focus on those excited bubbles I was feeling, and prepared for the new year, adjusting my sails once more. When I finally made the leap and moved back down to the sunshine state, it was like I finally had found the last border piece of my puzzle that had fallen under the dining room tables months before, evading my eye until I finally expanded my horizon of searching. With the outside edge of my puzzle completed, I could finally focus on the inside. And let me tell you, the puzzle pieces have been continuously falling into place. I’ve received more job opportunities, became even MORE involved, and have strengthened so many bonds and added multiple new friendships.

Even with all of this though, it wasn’t until recently that my mindset had changed. During the fall semester, I continuously told myself that I hated Florida. I even told everyone else. My future was focused on moving out of the city once I had my degree, probably buying a house in a suburban town, and trying to do life.

In hindsight, that’s a bunch of bullshit.

During December of 2016, I made the commitment to myself to stop saying how much I hate Florida, and to really embrace the city that I’ve found a new home in. This has changed so much of my outlook on life, and allowed me to fully embrace the quote I’ve tried to live by for so much of my adult life.

Returning to Tampa from winter break in Georgia, I was galvanized to make this year mine. With all the shit going on in the world right now, a positive (but realistic) mindset was definitely what I needed to be clutching with all my strength. For the most part, that has held true. Upon starting this new semester, I decided first to make another leap (I’ve gotten quite good at them, by now) and to change my major...again. This has happened quite a few times, but changing it to English this semester was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. My classes are so intriguing, my professors and classmates are awesome, and I’m making even more steps in finding my way in what I want to do with my life.

Saturday, I was walking home from work. Tampa has a really beautiful pathway called the Riverwalk, and it’s something I’ve chosen to embrace more this year. Usually when I get off work, the sun is setting and the sky is lit up with oranges and yellows that warm your heart to the core. If you’ve never seen a Florida sunset, you’re missing out. But this Saturday was special. My job had an event that caused me to stay later, and when I walked outside, the sun had long ran away and darkness now covered the sky. As I made my way down the Riverwalk and back to campus, I could hear music that usually wasn’t there. Previously to discovering this, I had been in my own little world, focused on getting home. But this music stopped me in my tracks. It was the sound of someone playing the saxophone down closer to the water. His music filled my ear, pulling me into its spell. My eyes focused on the bridge in front of me, lit up with bright pink transitioning into deep, royal purple, and followed its lines all the way to my university across the water. There the minarets of our historic building lit up against the night sky, framed by tall palm trees standing like guards around it. With the saxophone still playing, I then looked around at the people I had been completely oblivious to before. I saw families laughing with each other, lovers on romantic dates, friends running around and making memories they’ll one day tell when they get together over dinner years from now. I saw those with money, and those without. I saw different races, different genders, different ages. As I got closer, I saw the man playing this beautiful music, and another sound joined my ears. A young husky puppy sat in front of the musician after pulling his owner over, and began barking and howling along with the music. Many gathered to smile, and watch, and laugh, drawn there by the same spell that had pulled me closer. Looking up at the purple bridge one more time, it finally hit me that I really do love this city, and I’m blessed to live here.

Growing up, I had always been told that small towns are where you go for community, and cities are where you go for isolation. While this may be true for some, I’ve found different. The past few months I’ve began to fall in love with this city community. Sure, I can’t guarantee I’m going to see someone I know each time I go to the store, but that’s half the fun. Each day I wake up I’m presented with a cornucopia of opportunities to meet someone new, to have a new experience, to create a new memory.

You see, community isn’t something that is just handed to you. Not in the city, anyway. But it’s there; you’ve just gotta find it. It’s there in the barista who knows your name and your usual order. Its there in the bookstore owner who you can sit and talk to about what rare books they’ve found now. It’s there in the servers of the local restaurants who tell you about their favorite dish. It’s there in the people that you see once or twice in the park. It’s there in the fellow student you see on campus everywhere. It’s there in the bar you always find yourself in, even if you don’t recognize everyone else there. It’s in laughter filled parks, the sweat of packed concerts, in filled parking spots of the grocery store and the hurt, empowered voice of protesters down the street.

To me, community isn’t just about running into an old friend in the grocery store, or having someone vent to about your life problems. It’s about shared space and experience.

On Saturday, I engaged in community with the people listening to the man sitting on the bench and spreading his music to the world. It doesn’t matter that I don’t know any of their names, where they come from, or what they do with the rest of their life. All that matters is that in the moment, we all experienced something beautiful in one common space. Yeah, living in the city it’s easy to get caught up in the fact that you don’t know what’s out there. But what’s important is focusing on what part you play in the big picture. You might not know all the details, but you’re part of it. Acknowledging the ambiguity of life makes it so much more enjoyable than trying to constantly figure things out.

Community is about embracing that you don’t know everyone, that a lot of the people around you are different, and still tackling the day with gusto and an openness to others. Going out each day and deciding to actively engage with those around me, whether I know them or not, is one of the most beautiful things I’ve learned since living here.

There’s more to the quote I introduced earlier. Monson goes on to say “For maximum happiness, peace, and contentment, may we choose a positive attitude.” I didn’t know the rest of this quote until recently, but it’s come into my life at a perfect time. I’ve realized the potential in adjusting my sails. I saw that through moving back down to Florida. I see that now, in my decision to love my life and where I’m at right now, even though I know I’ve still got quite a way to sail through and figure things out. And that’s okay. Actually, it’s more than okay. It’s fantastic. My life has so much more to come, and embracing the beauty and adventure in each day is what is going to make my life full of that happiness, peace, and content that Monson talks about. I used to think that living in a city would make me feel lost in the strangeness of it all. And I was right. There is a lot of strange, spontaneous things that happen to me.

But now, it seems the strangeness is becoming my familiar.

A Call to Action, A Call to Love.

Fifty three. After the massacre on Sunday, there are now 53 people dead in the LGBTQ+ community. I've been trying so hard to process how to feel and deal with this. There are so many words I could use to paint how my soul feels.

Pain. Sorrow. Isolation. Anger. Disgust. Sadness. Frustration. Confusion. But mostly, I am exhausted.

To all my lbtq+ family...I love you all. We face a lot, you know, and so many of you are so strong. You've faced so much more in your life than anyone should, for something so simple to understand. If anyone needs an open ear, or an empty shoulder, I am here. God loves you, I love you, you are amazing. Know that.

But I want to talk to my straight friends now.

Many of you are posting about your prayers going towards those in the Orlando massacre and others affected by it. First, I want to thank you for all your prayers. It is great to see people join together and show care in a time like this. There are many of you who are such good people at heart. You try to spread love, and show that you see our pain in situations like this. You share joy when we find someone to date. You celebrate our right to marry. You are our friends.

But I am now challenging you to take a step further. I’m calling you to not use this simply for your own islamophobia. For your own hatred. This man wasn't just an ISIS terrorist. He was enraged by seeing two gay men kissing, and decided to directly attack our community in one of the few places we feel safe.

I want you to understand, this is terrifying. I go to clubs like this. They allow me to have fun, to let go, to forget what it’s like to worry about not being straight and just dance.

Everyday, LGBTQ+ people live in fear. Our existence alone is a radical expression of bravery. I live in fear for my life because of this. I fear every time I have to come out to someone, because it is never just a one time thing. I fear every time I wear a gay pride shirt. Anytime I say the word boyfriend. Anytime I talk about gay rights. Anytime I get out of my car with my equality sticker on the back. Anytime I wear something not in the stereotypical straight male fashion. Every time I walk past a group of men on the street. Every time I'm walking alone at night after work. Every time I go to a new church.  All of it leaves me riddled with fear. Only in a few places do I feel like I don't have to worry about being attacked because of my sexuality.

And if we're being honest, some of you are to blame. You’ve agreed with people who call us disgusting. You’ve agreed with people who call us pedophiles, who say we're going to hell. You’ve said our right to marry is because the country is going down the drain. You shun us from your churches. You verbally accost us when we hold our partners hand in public. When the older generations talk hatefully, you defend them and say it's just because of their age, yet you don't teach your children not to use slurs that are thrown at us like daggers or to show us respect. You say we're better when we don't shove it in your face. You get outraged when we appear on your TV shows, or get attention in the media. You sit in silence when your friends or pastor preach hate. You ignore our endless torment. You make comments when we are still in the closet, unaware of how you’re speaking hate in our very presence. You momentarily mourn the loss of young souls driven to suicide, wondering what could have led them there, and then move on, simply glad it wasn’t someone you know. You erase us from history. You’ve turned a blind eye as we’re kicked out for being ourselves, as we’ve been turned away from homeless shelters, as we aren’t allowed to give blood. You watch as we are fired from our jobs. You say things like “Why can’t I have straight pride?”. You only like us when we’re quiet, simply existing, where you can “hate the sin, but love the sinner”. You continue to oppress us, yet wonder why we are so angry and fight so hard. You may have not shot the gun, but you helped provide the bullets.

And I’m tired of it. You say you love your neighbors, but still do things like this. None of it is okay. At all. This moves past your simple opinion or belief if something is “right”. It is murdering people. Breaking people.

But, I forgive you. Not because I understand. Not because I think it’s okay. Not because I want to be the bigger person. I forgive you because the God I serve is a God of forgiveness, of undying and unconditional love. Unconditional love that sees that I’m gay and still plans on using me in the kingdom. A God that shows me how my own judgement and love is past my own understand, but should be looked at in holy eyes. A God and love that teaches me everyone is made in the holy image of God, beautiful and sacred.

I am not blaming you for being straight. I am not mad at you for being straight. Some of you are good allies. I am not mad at you for existing. But you have to understand, that is something I have to deal with every day when I wake up. This man was so enraged by lgbtq people existing that he went into a place where we feel safe and made it a place of war and death.

I have friends who are now terrified to go to work. I've seen post about people who are even more terrified to come out now. I have friends who are angry, who are heart broken, who are hurting. We are all hurting. You have to understand why for many of us, saying we are in your prayers is like petting us with a long stick, keeping your distance from the real situation.

In the New Testament, Jesus tells us in Mark 12:30-31 “and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”

None of your behaviors are congruent with these, the two greatest commands of Jesus. The one who came to bridge the gap between the Earth and Heaven, so that we can feel and see the unconditional love of God. The one who loved the woman at the well, who loved the Samaritan, who loved the tax collectors. If we truly believe that everyone is made in the image of God, and are following these two commandments, the minute we kick someone out of our church or turn a cold shoulder to them because of their sexuality, we turning away God.

We can not let hateful speech and behaviors continue to spread through the church anymore. I pray that this massacre lets you see that. It is time we start loving, unconditionally, even if it is outside our own understanding. This love we as Christians are called to show is supposed to be messy. Its supposed to be community. Unending. Powerful. Not simply showing your condolences, but being the hands and feet of Jesus Christ.

So, I am challenging you to take a step further. Talk to your LGBTQ+ neighbors. Love them. Try to understand them. Ask if they are oka Check on your gay friend. Acknowledge your bi friend’s sexuality as valid. Ask your transgender friend about their preferred pronouns. Donate to organizations that help LGBTQ+ homeless youth. Stand up when others start speaking hatefully. Take in youth if you have an open room. Stop saying things like love the sinner, hate the sin. Vote for bills that protect LGBTQ+ people. Recognize erasure in the media, in history. There is so much you can do, so much love you can spread. Invite them to your Bible study. Don’t treat them as a lost causes to pray for and pity. Partake in communion with them, in fellowship, worship with them. You have for years. It’s time to start looking at them not as an other but for what they really are. They are children of God.

It's time to start backing up your love, all in, no matter what, just as God continues to love us no matter what.

But do not forget what this was. It was a hate crime. It was pure hatred. But we can not let this fill us with hate. We must convert it to love, and put more of it out into the universe. Unconditional, whole, agape love.

I pray that the souls lost on Sunday find a peaceful rest. I pray for the LGTBQ+ community, who is still grieving. I pray for the Latinx community, as the event attacked was a special event for them. I pray that people open their eyes and hearts to how serious situations like this are. I pray for Omar Mateem’s soul. I pray for his family. I pray for the Muslim community which will be wrongfully attacked. I pray for Orlando. I pray for Florida. I pray for the US. I pray for the world. I pray for peace.

It’s time to stop living an Old Testament mentality in a New Testament world. Let love motivate you in everything you do, consume you from the inside and out, and show it to those who need it.

Dear Christian Friends; An Attempt at Mending

To all my Christian friends who don’t support homosexuality, and other Christians who feel the same,

I know times are tough for you right now, being attacked for your views. But I want to bring some things up, in light of the recent Supreme Court decision to legalize marriage equality nationwide. 

Do not pray for me. That is, do not pray for me to not be gay. I’ve tried, many times.

It. Does. Not. Work.  

If you’re going to pray for me, pray for me to go down the path God wants me to be on. We can sit and debate if I truly am or not all night and day, but what is a truth is that neither of us know for sure. If you want to pray for me, let that be your prayer. I understand you’re trying to do good by praying for me to not be gay, but...it does the opposite. 

Next, just because you don’t think my marriage is exactly in God’s plan does not mean you have to legally oppose it. Marriage, whether you like it or not, is not exclusively Christian. People outside the faith get married all the time. You are entitled to your opinion on my marriage, but please do not let that opinion infringe on my rights. You all love your spouses, and significant others. That’s all we’re trying to do, have the same rights with a person we love. 

Also, please do not ignore the fact that marriage has been redefined before. In the Bible, there are multiple times where someone either had multiple wives, concubines, was forced into marriage, married for money, ect. It has happened before. We even have Biblical proof of that. Not to mention the fact divorce has been made legal. Marriage shouldn’t be about who is involved in it, but what it is revolved around. 

If you’re going to attack my sin, attack my lust. Lust is the sin. Homosexuality was not even a word, or an idea, until the late 19th century. When the original translations of the Bible quote against homosexuality, it’s specifically the sexual acts. Which are also a heterosexual sin. Homosexuality does not equal lust. Lust is a product of any sexual orientation. Make that your sin you to combat. I understand that you want to “save” me from my sins, but trust me, I’m working on that enough for myself. Your heart is in the right place. Jesus loves us both the same. When you tell someone that their love is pushing them away from God though, they're going to get hurt and offended and probably turn the opposite way. 

We aren’t trying to attack the church. Trust me, save for a few crazy individuals, no one is going to force you to be gay or force a pastor to marry us. Most will take their wedding elsewhere. 

I’m sorry you’ve been attacked for your views. I’m sorry that people call you bigots and are saying you’re hateful. I’m sorry that you’re being degraded because of what you believe in. Not all of us want that; in fact, it’s how we’ve felt for years and years due to things we can not change. The queer community and the Christian community have a lot in common actually. Both are illegal in many parts of the world, both are based around love, and both just want a world in where they don’t feel prosecuted by something they feel so passionately about. Crazy, right? We all just get so passionate about everything that we get caught up in hateful words, when instead we should all, both sides, be focusing on speaking with love and truth. 

I know your heart is in the right place. I know that you're just trying to live a life God wants you to live, and be a light unto others. I’m not trying to force my opinion on you. I know I've made a lot of mistakes and gone about my faith all wrong before. I’m trying to have you hear my voice. Hear my heart. I’m praying for you, that people will see your side, but I’m also praying you will see our side of things. Then, we can take a step forward to being a united and unique nation.

Again, I’m so, so sorry. 

Lots of love,

Your gay Christian neighbor.

Taking the Reins

I tried to think of some in-your-face-firework-explosion way to start this article, but nothing felt right. Simplicity is the perfect way to start this. You see, I’m a victim, but a survivor, of depression. It’s part of who I am, and I feel this is something that my heart is telling me to write about.

Middle school is rough for everyone. It’s a time when our bodies are changing, cliques are forming, and we’re entering an abnormal limbo between childhood and adulthood. At least in high school you’re half way across the line into adulthood- middle school is a different story though. The trials of middle school, though when we look back as adults are small, are huge to someone who is actually experiencing them. Though it’s tough to pinpoint an exact time of when I went from being “normal” to depressed, it’s clear that it began, and hit me the hardest, in middle school.

I've always been a curious kid. My mom always says I could make ears bleed with all my talking and question asking as a child. That’s still carried into today, and definitely played a big part of my middle school experiences, except it wasn't positive nor cute like a child asking why the sky is blue. My questions turned to things like “Why don’t people like me?”, “What did I do wrong?”, and “Why do I even bother living anymore?”. I began to place the blame of everything wrong in my life on myself. My dad’s illnesses, the isolation I faced at school, why I looked so different from everyone; to preteen me, it was all due to something I did, or was, doing wrong. I felt alone, I felt like I didn't have any friends, like I didn't belong on this Earth. I questioned and got angry with God, asking why I was going through so much. I continued to blame myself, until I reached a breaking point and began to punish myself. I couldn't understand why bad things kept happening to me- I was a nice kid, I got stellar grades, I didn't disobey my parents, and very rarely skipped church. Self harm became something I regularly turned too. I never did anything too permanent, just enough to make myself feel pain. I began to stop hanging out with friends, preferring to be in my room with the lights off than out enjoying the world. There were those dark, gruesome nights when escape from the world seemed like the best option to turn to. I thought maybe if I punished myself, whatever I was doing wrong would be balanced out and life would deal me a good hand of cards.

Looking back, I was so wrong with everything that happened. It wasn't my fault, and I shouldn't have punished myself like I did. But in the present time, that’s how I felt. I never turned to anyone for help, for fear of doing something else wrong and being isolated even more. I felt alone. I had read so many articles of kids turning for help, but having what they’re feeling written off as teen angst, or hormones raging and causing mood swings. Never once did I turn to an adult for help. In fact, I never even told a single adult about what I was feeling until my sophomore year of high school, far after I had taken control of my own mind again. I found help in my writing for a while, trying to let out the emotions swamping my mind as ink on a stark white page. Some online friends I made through writing helped as well. My literal saving grace came when I started going to a church, The Well, where I still attend today. For once, I felt like I belonged in a place. God placed his hand on me and led me to that special place, using his children there to show me what it meant to be loved. The problems in my way of thinking were illuminated; it wasn't my fault. It wasn't that God had left me; God was by my side the entire time. I just never listened to him. Jesus says you are good enough, even when the world does not; even when you yourself say you aren't good enough. Never once are you promised that your life will be perfect in the Bible, and that is something Christians everywhere need to cast out of their lives. What it does promise is that God will provide you support, a shoulder to lean on, and help you walk through the slings and arrows that you face everyday. He didn't cause me to be depressed; but he will use everything I went through to make sure that other people on Earth know that he will help, that they are loved, and that they are special in his eyes.

Depression is not something you can rid of completely. It’s not like the chicken pox; something you get once and don’t have to worry about again. It’s more similar to a cancer, something that you always fear relapsing into. It’s a part of who I am. I still have days where I feel alone, and can’t help but look at the negative side of things. It’s crippling, and stops my day in it’s tracks. But the difference now is that I see depression is not something that can control me. Through turning to God I realized that I can do anything, specifically take the reins and push depression back into the dark crevice of my mind where it belongs. It’s something I still live with; each day is a battle. I wake up and have to tell myself that I can make each day positive, and pray to God to help me do so, because without him it is impossible. I've started looking for the light in everything. My favorite musical, Into the Woods, has one line that embodies this. “The light is getting dimmer, I think I see a glimmer”. Not matter how dark times seem, if you look toward the light, you’ll find your way. No matter how I stray from the path, how awful things appear, there’s always a glimmer to look for. There is always hope, and if that's the only thing taken away from this article than so be it. Always hold to hope.

Depression does not leave a person. Instead they become able to overcome it. You can’t look at me when I’m sad and say “Get over it” or “Cheer up”. It doesn't work that way. Instead, lend them strength. “I’m here for you.” “I’m praying for you.” “You’re amazing.” In a world full of violence and judgement, the best medicine you can provide someone with depression on their bad days is support. If you have someone come to you struggling with depression, do not dismiss it. Do not push a young person aside, saying they’re overreacting, or that it’s just teenage hormones. Depression is not a joke, and I want people to see that. If you have depression, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone. It’s not something you can tackle alone. Depression is strong, and it will overcome you if you don’t look for help. But just remember; you can be stronger. With the help of God, with the help of friends, family, anyone, you can get to a point where every day you wake up and you control your life. It won’t happen right away, but it will. Life does get better, and it’s beautiful, as are you.

Some of my favorite Bible verses to turn to;

Jeremiah 29:11

I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
Galatians 5:1

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.
Philippians 4:1

My dear, dear friends! I love you so much. I do want the very best for you. You make me feel such joy, fill me with such pride. Don’t waver. Stay on track, steady in God.
Mark 11:23

"Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.
2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline;

1 (800) 273-8255

You Can Do That? The Bible and Homosexuality

“Hi, my name is Noah, I’m a follower of Christ, and I’m gay.”

Seems weird to hear that, huh? Yeah, I know. People are constantly baffled by this; how can you be gay AND a Christian? That’s exactly what I found myself asking almost three years ago when I came out to the public. Amazingly, I didn't receive backlash for coming out. All my friends were okay with it, most of my school was, and if people weren't okay with my sexuality they never said it to my face, which is always one of the biggest fears of coming out as a teenager.

But that didn't mean I was 100% okay with it. It took me a whole year even to admit it, and once I did come to terms with who I was, I was worried God wouldn't be. Back then, I just prayed and when I felt at peace, I realized that God loved me no matter who I loved, guy or girl or somewhere in between. Later in the year, however, I realized that some people wouldn't take that as enough evidence that being gay was okay.

So, I set to research. I read articles, looked at verses, read books, prayed A LOT, and found evidence that supported what I was looking for. I never did anything with this though; I just sat with my knowledge and waited for people to attack me. But that doesn't happen...what does happen is that thousands of other teenagers in the LGBTQ community are harassed every day. How can I sit by, when people just like me are being mistreated and I hold information that I believe everyone should hear? One of my favorite quotes from the famous Martin Luther King Jr. says “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” It’s about time I wrote this article, analyzing verses and explaining my view on being gay and being Christian. This may be long, but I pray God leads you to continue reading and to open your hearts to his word.

First, let me start by stating my reasoning in the verses I use in the rest of this article. These verses are the most commonly quoted in the argument against homosexuality. I also looked to three different translations; King James, English Standard, and The Message. I used these not only in their spread out publication dates but also due to a rule that one of my favorite teachers in high school taught me; the table rule. A table with one leg won’t stand, a table with two is wobbly, and a table with three or more legs is solid, thus being the reason I looked to three translations.

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Verse 1: 1 Corinthians 6:9-11

KJV: 9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, 10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

Now, I think many of us can agree this verse’s main focus is the fact that all of us were once sinners, condemned, but Jesus came and washed our sins away. But what most people focus on is the “nor abusers of themselves with mankind” In the English standard version, this particular part is made into “Nor men who practice homosexuality”. Now, looking at many different verses in the Bible we can see that “mankind” doesn't particularly always just mean men; it means people. So you can roughly change that verse to “nor abusers of themselves with people”. This is what The Message translation does:

9-11 Don’t you realize that this is not the way to live? Unjust people who don’t care about God will not be joining in his kingdom. Those who use and abuse each other, use and abuse sex, use and abuse the earth and everything in it, don’t qualify as citizens in God’s kingdom. A number of you know from experience what I’m talking about, for not so long ago you were on that list. Since then, you've been cleaned up and given a fresh start by Jesus, our Master, our Messiah, and by our God present in us, the Spirit.

I believe The Message translation is a very accurate version of what God is trying to bring across through the Paul’s writing. When you Google “abuse”, the definition you get states “use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse.” God isn't telling us that homosexuality is bad; he’s focusing on the abuse of one another. One of the ways we abuse each other is through dirty, meaningless sex. Sex is one of God’s gifts to mankind; when we abuse it, and use it wrongly, straight or gay, it is defiling that gift. The Bible says that we are all God’s children and all made in His image. When we abuse each other, through this kind of sexual behavior, through lying and cheating, through treating our bodies unhealthily, we are abusing His image and His children. I believe this is the true message of this verse. Last I checked, my being gay did not directly relate to going around sleeping with everyone. I was not hurting anyone by being attracted to and seeking a loving relationship with another male.

Verse 2: 1 Timothy 1:8-11

KJV: 8 But we know that the law is good, if a man use it lawfully; 9 Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for man slayers, 10 For whore mongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine; 11 According to the glorious gospel of the blessed God, which was committed to my trust.

Now, this verse can be treated in exactly the same way as the one above! The same thing happens with “defile themselves with mankind”. The ESV directly translates this to “homosexuals”, but this is focusing on the “mankind” part and not the words mentioned before. Often we take this verse as focusing on what all it says is wrong, but instead, it’s saying that the word of God is for those who are sinners; which the Bible tells us we all are. This verse can be related again back to 1 Corinthians; all the sin’s listed are those that have to do with abusing one another. The Message translation sums all of the sins listed above into one part of a verse, focusing on those “riding roughshod over God, life, sex, truth, whatever!” As mentioned before, when we abuse each other, we abuse God.

Verse 3: Jude 1:7-8

KJV: 7 Even as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire. 8 Likewise also these filthy dreamers defile the flesh, despise dominion, and speak evil of dignities.

Now comes a big, and often misunderstood, Bible story. Jude translates almost exactly from KJV to ESV and The Message, so I won’t include those word for word. Instead, I’m going to turn to Genesis 19:4-9 for the story of Sodom;

4 But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter: 5 And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them. 6 And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him, 7 And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly. 8 Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof. 9 And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee, than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot, and came near to break the door.

This is often quoted against homosexuality, looking at verse 5. The men ask to “know” the angels inside Lot’s house. This is the same in ESV, but in The Message is is translated to “Bring them out so we can have our sport with them!”. These men aren't looking to just have sex with them; they’re looking to rape them. When we turn to Dictionary.com, the first definition of rape is unlawful and forced sexual intercourse. The second definition, however, states “an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation”. This act of raping the angels is not because of their sexuality, but an act of domination and violation. They have come into the city, the city these men claim as their own, so they threaten to rape them. Now, often is also quoted that one of the reason’s Sodom was destroyed was because of their sexual immorality, but this all leads back to what is stated in Corinthians. Homosexuality wasn't the sin of Sodom; it was their abuse of each other by vile acts, both straight and not. This is what Jude is warning us about; not to become abusers of each other.

Verse 4: Romans 1:26-28

KJV: 26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. 28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

Now, this is a verse very commonly used, as it states leaving the “natural” use, as they “burned in their lust”. The ESV treats this verse with the same language. However, The Message treats it just a tad differently.

26-27 Worse followed. Refusing to know God, they soon didn't know how to be human either—women didn't know how to be women, men didn't know how to be men. Sexually confused, they abused and defiled one another, women with women, men with men—all lust, no love. And then they paid for it, oh, how they paid for it—emptied of God and love, godless and loveless wretches.

The part I want to draw attention to is where it mentions “all lust, no love.” Again, this can be related to Corinthians (Funny how God does that, huh?). This not just talking about homosexual acts; it’s discussing their sexual abuse of each other. When sex lacks love, it is defiled. Sex is something that should be used carefully, not abused, which it is when full of lust. Often this verse is quoted without the verses before. Verses 21-23 give us some background;

“Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things”

These people weren't just sinning; they were turning from God and to worldly idols.

Verse 5: Leviticus 18:22

22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

(Verse is the same in the other two translations) Here is the most famous of the verses against homosexuality, and one I also believe is misunderstood. The problem with quoting scripture, as I've given examples of previously, is when something is taken out of context. So, to further understand this verse I want to look at verse 21. “And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the Lord.”

This verse is against worshiping the idol Molech, which one of the main ways of worship involved infant sacrifice. But what I want to pay attention to even more is the last part of the verse: “I am the Lord.”

Being an Writing major, I always nerd out when I find rhetorical devices in the Bible. Here is one right here; and example of repetition. Where does this get mentioned that it’s important? Well, throughout the Bible. BUT, I want to draw attention to verse 6 “None of you shall approach any one of his close relatives to uncover nakedness. I am the Lord.” Both of these verses end with “I am the Lord", as do other commandments in Leviticus. What’s important are the verses that come after; with verse 6, it’s all laws against incestual relationships. If we look at this pattern, and apply it to verse 21, we can deduct that verse 22 is in direct correlation to the verse about Molech.

The reason these verses exist are because of God’s desire to separate Moses and his people from the Egyptians; Verse 3: “You shall not do as they do in the land of Egypt”...”You shall not walk in their statutes”. What these rules are focused on are things they are doing in Egypt; one of those being worshipping idols. When we look at history, there is vast evidence in cults using (and abusing) sex as rituals for idol worship, particularly turning to lust filled and love lacking sexual acts. It’s my belief that this is what Leviticus is discussing; men and women who turn from God with their sexual acts, defiling each other and abusing each other. Not those who practice homosexuality.

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Coming to terms with being gay and a Christian was hard, but I believe God lead me through it all and blessed me with the knowledge and interpretation I am writing to anyone who reads this. What I’m trying to accomplish with this is that if a person identifies as gay (or bi, lesbian, transgender, ect), and loves God, and does not abuse another in their sexual acts, than they are just as worthy of love as a straight person. It’s when you abuse God’s gifts to you, STRAIGHT OR GAY, that it becomes a problem in His eyes. I have two last verse to discuss though. The first being Galatians 5:14 “For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself”, and the second 1 Corinthians 13:13 “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

But, if you take anything from this, it is to love one another, be you gay, straight, bi, transgender, whatever. That is the message of the Gospel; God loved us so much, all of us broken, worthless people, that he sent his son to die for us in the ultimate act of love. When we abuse each other, in any way, we are turning from God’s one true commandment. The best way to bring people to God is not through hate, but through showing them the grace and love that his has shown us, even when we don't deserve it. He has given us a way, a way of faith, a way of hope, but most of all, a way of love.